Guy Fawkes Day

This past Friday we honored our annual tradition at work by inviting our families in to Trick or Treat.  Some years Halloween has been cold and snowy and this can be the best opportunity for our children to score the sweet stuff without contracting frost bite.  This year, despite a little bit of snow earlier in the week, the temperatures were warm and the kids came out in droves.  We hosted several princesses, a soldier, plenty of scary ghouls, Papa Smurf, Mario, and an adorable bumble bee.  That was just the children; among the adults we were honored to have Tina Turner on site, a caveman, a redneck and some very cordial witches.  Personally, I decided that I topped out as Trinity from the Matrix several years ago and decided to quit while I was ahead after that.  I wore my bejeweled Happy Halloween T-shirt to demonstrate that I am far from anti-Halloween but these days I leave the dressing up to those more creative than me (which is the vast majority of the population).

Throughout the course of the day, several people asked me if we celebrate Halloween in England.  When I was little we did not but I think that the American Halloween traditions have been adopted in England in recent years.  We do however celebrate Guy Fawkes Day which is very close to Halloween in terms of time, but quite different in terms of origin.  In the spirit of cultural exchange, it is my pleasure to educate you about Guy Fawkes Day if you are not already familiar with it.  I believe this will serve not only as an insight into that particular festivity but demonstrate how traditions are formed and baked into the very fabric of a country’s culture for seemingly the oddest of reasons.

Guy Fawkes Day, also known as Bonfire Night, is a commemoration of the infamous Gunpowder Plot hatched in the early 1600s.  A band of plotters intended to restore a Catholic monarch to the throne in England and given the times the most logical approach appeared to be to blow up the Houses of Parliament and assassinate King James I.  This required quite a lot of gunpowder and Guy Fawkes was put in charge of guarding the stockpile.  On November 5^th, 1605 after authorities received an anonymous letter, Fawkes was found with the gunpowder, questioned and tortured and eventually he revealed the plot.  Subsequently he was found guilty of high treason, a significant charge with extreme consequences, and sentenced to death by being hung, drawn and quartered, a barbaric practice and a very painful way to go.

As a result, an Act of Parliament designated November 5^th a celebration and Londoners were encouraged to recognize the King's narrow escape from assassination by lighting bonfires.  This evolved into making effigies of Guy Fawkes from old clothes stuffed with newspapers and sitting him atop the bonfires and burning his likeness throughout the land.  Eventually the celebration included roasting food over the fire and then grew further by letting off fireworks as the evening grew darker.  Nobody really seems to know why Guy Fawkes became the mascot for the Gunpowder Plot.  He was not the brains behind the machinations and while he served a key role, it was certainly not a role that could not have been performed by many others.  It is however his legacy and every year he is burned over again for more than 400 years now. 

I’m not sure if that makes us a violent nation, a collection of monarchists, or just like societies the world over, people who are drawn together by celebration, food and the desire to mingle.  We want to know our neighbors, we want to break bread together, and we like to sing and dance and sometimes dress up and this is as good a way as any to achieve this; however, I will admit the root of these events is nothing less than bizarre sometimes.  Please don’t think any the less of us and Happy Halloween and Guy Fawkes Day to all!

The Joy of Boys

Every week is a random week when you have four boys but last week was particularly random.  Certainly not in a bad way, just in an unexpectedly random way!  

The usual soccer game schedule is two practices a week and a game on Saturday.  This week there were two games on Saturday, the first of which the team played like a well oiled machine and our very own Pele scored a goal.  He then proceeded, as is his right as a goal scorer I think, to run around the field at top speed with arms flailing in delight.  It was but four short hours until the next game but somehow it was a completely different team that returned.  They saw the team that had soundly beaten them the first game of the season and it was all over at that moment.  Their opponents had the psychological edge from the start and it did not get any better.  What amazes me, in that random way life has, is that we were all ready with the speeches about having made a valiant attempt and being against a tough team and Pele walked off the field without a care in the world and said, “Can I go to Matthew’s now?”.  For us it was disappointing to see the team lose after such a great victory that morning but for him the game was merely a stepping stone to the time that he could go and be with his friend.  If only we could always shrug off loss so easily.

Our budding thespian invited us to his play and we gathered with the camera and our hands ready for clapping.  We tried to remember that it was not appropriate to cheer only when he said his lines (perfectly I might add), so we cheered equally for everyone and only a little bit extra for him.  The play itself was somewhat random in that it was a murder mystery at a pie contest and when the dead bodies appeared they were clad in footie pajamas.  The village crowd was also able to hold up signs as they pleased which instigated audience participation.  The actors did not seem to mind at all that during their lines there were random shouts of “Boo”, “Oh My Pie” and “Yummy”.  What struck me as random and wonderful at the same time was how relaxed our actor was among his friends and in his environment.  He was lighthearted and his face was glowing with enjoyment.  During his last stage appearance he did not look like he was having fun at all.  This is also the boy who was quite nervous about middle school and in less than two months he was at home and had a new found confidence among a peer group of sixth to eight graders, he being one of the younger players.  It was marvelous and warming and felt right all at the same time.

The next morning everyone left for school except one…the one who decided that he had something on his mind.  I love that he talks to me and I am always touched when he starts out by asking my opinion.  In this particularly case he wanted my opinion on why teenagers (no-one was named but I can guess who) can be mean sometimes.  Without thinking I hypothesized that because teenagers have so much going on emotionally and physically and even psychologically it is a lot to balance and that makes them grumpy sometimes.  I only said physically once and it was buried in a long sentence but somehow it randomly led to me delivering the lighter version of sex education at 7:45am.  I believe in honesty and so under the exacting gaze of a 10-year old I did not flinch and did my duty quite beautifully I believe; diplomatically but no code words.  I even managed to get in the bit about waiting until you have found someone you cannot live without.  When I got to Starbucks that morning I happily accepted an extra shot of caffeine.

To top off my random boy experiences week, my teenager called me on Friday afternoon to inform me that from now on he does not need the help of his Stepdad and I anymore when playing Are You Smarter than A 5^th Grader.  We were summarily dismissed because, and I quote, “I score a lot higher without you.”!!!  If that doesn’t wrap up a random week, nothing does!      

Career Blues

I have decided it is time for change!  Not change for the sake of change but deliberate, purposeful change in my career path.  I want to get off this beaten path and pursue what I love to do, train to be the best I can be, and then do it everyday.  I want to be my own boss and I want to write and I want someone to pay me lots of money to do it!  There, that’s a start on the path to change; direction mixed with tenacity and a dash of ignorance equals endless possibilities.  It trumps being a defeatist and committing to sheer boredom for the rest of my waking years….that last statement may have been gratuitously dramatic but it is how I’ve been feeling.

The career blues crept up on me, a midlife crisis of sorts.  Not a fully fledged breakdown, more of a slow disintegration into self-pity and I’m not particularly a fan of self-pity.   Recently I started to wonder what I have accomplished.  I mean what have I truly done to make a difference, to save someone, to be the best at something?  Naively I thought that it would all miraculously fall into place because for a long time it seemed like the puzzles pieces aligned and the last step led to the next which was somewhere meaningful and fulfilling.  The trajectory made sense but it doesn’t anymore and I’m feeling better and better about demanding more.  For a while I have been searching and scrambling for any semblance of direction and asking myself that resoundingly hollow question “Is this it??” but now it’s time to stop asking and start doing.  The answer is “No, this is not it.  This is merely a stepping stone.” 

I became immersed in the story of Steve Jobs’ life this week; this isn’t a bad thing in my opinion.  Much of the world rightfully mourns him as a bright spot on a dusky horizon with innovation tucked in his pocket or under his arm.  I glommed on to that feeling of loss and connected to it and then realized that the healthier approach was not to mourn the demise of my career (definitely too dramatic) but to pursue the future.  I fear that for a time there I let myself succumb to what Steve Jobs warned against - being trapped, not just by the opinions of others but by my opinion of myself.  I have not retraced all the steps that took me to a place where I no longer believed I was more capable.  To a large degree I think I put things on hold while I was finishing my Master’s degree and have not jumped back in the game since then.  The obvious irony is that I embarked on that journey aspiring for more and by the time I graduated I didn’t know what more meant.  

I want to share the words that jolted me.  They felt like cold water being splashed in my face and a poke to the ribs.  They hurt because I had become ambivalent and expected success while exerting less effort.  They are widely quoted words from Steve Jobs’ Stanford commencement address but they bear repeating, “No one wants to die.  Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there.  And yet death is the destination we all share.  No one has ever escaped it.  And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life.  It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new.  Right now, the new is you.  But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.  Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true.  Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart, and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” 

Words to live by!

40 Reasons

To my husband who hit 40 this week, 40 reasons I am madly in love with you:

1.       You are a committed and loving Dad

2.       You are truly a role model for our boys

3.       You love your Mom (someone told me to always look for that in a man!)

4.       You adore your Dad – always have, always will

5.       You are a man who will do anything for his family

6.       You still know all the names of everyone you went to Kindergarten with

7.       You dare to dream

8.       Your rules are consistent

9.       Your values are admirable

10.   You are a man of integrity

11.   You believe in romance

12.   You look good in biking shorts

13.   You are fun to be around

14.   You take responsibility for your decisions

15.   You dance like we’re teenagers

16.   You sing with abandon

17.   You treat everyone with respect

18.   You are stubborn and determined

19.   You embrace a new adventure

20.   You do not assume you know more

21.   You are willing to learn

22.   You demand more from yourself

23.   You are not afraid to be silly

24.   You take the time to explain why (multiplied by four!)

25.   When you smile your eyes light up

26.   You treasure your friends

27.   You are intelligent but not arrogant

28.   You are encouraging and believe everyone has something to offer

29.   You listen to understand

30.   You are humble but know your own worth

31.   You question the status quo

32.   You hold my hand while we sleep

33.   You are willing to fight for what is right

34.   Even when you’re angry, you’re not scary

35.   You are firm and fair

36.   You hate to disappoint

37.   You love to travel and try new things

38.   You clean up goooood!

39.   You are not opposed to eating ice-cream on the couch together

40.   You are thoughtful and kind everyday

I love you in more ways than I can tell you!  Thank you for being my husband, my partner in crime, my lover, and my best friend!

Impulse and Improvisation

This week we celebrated with our friends as the last of the ladies in the circle gracefully stepped into the world of being 40.  We had a laughter filled meal and then headed to a comedy club for what we thought was going to be an open mike night.  We were escorted to the front row and I was immediately nervous because somehow I always seem to be the one that gets pushed forward or spotted in the crowd to come and help on stage.  It started when I was nine at a production for kids in Leeds when I was selected to go on stage and sing with with Fozzie Bear.  Years later and thanks to “well meaning” friends I found myself on stage with Thunder from Down Under.  If you do not recognize the name or the genre of their entertainment, please look them up online.  I’m not necessarily complaining about that appearance but simply recognizing that I have this uncanny knack for finding myself on stage.  The highlight may be my stunning rendition of Hey Jude accompanied by piano and a gentleman old enough to be my great-grandfather; the resort in Cabo San Lucas has not invited me back.  Given the already fantastic odds against me based on my history, being in the front row seemed to me to be a bad sign.

I moved to the furthest end of our row where there would be less attention in this tiny place and when the lights dimmed I took a deep breath.  Loud 80s music and five high energy people erupted on to the stage and I remember thinking that this was going to be worse than I originally envisioned.  The Master of Ceremonies moved into place and explained how Impulse Theater worked.  As I listened the blood started to course back into my veins and I relaxed and leaned in a little closer.  What was he talking about and what was Impulse Theater?  Where was the open mike, raucous jokes, people (me) being hypnotized and taking off all their clothes; was I safe?  As it turned out Impulse Theater was quite different from what we expected. The MC told us loosely what was going to happen on stage based on the audience shouting out one word answers to his questions.  It was chaotic and unusual in the respect that not only did the actors have to improvise every scenario, they were also given objectives and potential obstacles. In one exercise they were only allowed to speak in nonsense language, in another no words were allowed at all, and in another the MC randomly yelled “forward” and “back” and the actors had to reverse the improvised script or move forward just as would happen when hitting forward or rewind on the remote during a movie.  Nothing was rehearsed, there was no time to prepare, no-one knew what the audience would throw out, and the actors themselves did not know what to expect from each other. 

It was striking how creative it was and how frightening.  We all walked away saying that we could never do that, that we couldn’t think that fast and be as creative as the actors we had watched.  The truth is that we would not all be as entertaining or as funny as the actors we saw but in reality our lives are made up of scenes of improvisation.  Oscar-winning moments, times that we’d like to rewind and say it differently, times that we’d like to fast forward and skip the rough stuff, and times when we are trying to make ourselves understood but we seem to be speaking a different language.  There are times we have to take our best guess at what is going on and there are times when we flub our lines and life stops us dead in our tracks and says “Wrong”!  We get lots of opportunities to get the scenes of our lives right and perhaps it’s alright that perfection eludes us.  The spontaneity and the resourcefulness that we muster in those unexpected moments may truly be what living life is all about, not just delivering the well-rehearsed scenes.  When the lights dim we have survived.